I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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