He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
