Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize