UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My balls are so social today.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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