JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
