you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Even my vagina gasped.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
