Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The uberlube is also flammable
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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