someone get that fucking seahorse.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
