so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize