Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
