Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
