My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
