I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize