He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
