I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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