Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
