Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize