I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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