I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
