I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
