She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
