The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
