I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
