well I can't set my house on fire every night
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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