Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
