i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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