I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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