There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
