CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
