You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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