Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
