He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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