life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Umm I'm too high to move.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
