if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize