dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
