great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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