i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
