I want you more than these girls want KFC
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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