I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize