just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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