Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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