I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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