He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Enjoy the penises
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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