Your dad touched me again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
