i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
