You work out of a Hotel?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
