We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize