i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
