the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
