Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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