OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
