Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
