New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
