So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
birth control should be required to get into college
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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