He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
