can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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