Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish you could order shots online.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
