During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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