i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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