The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
