He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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