put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
