Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize