2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
