the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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