I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
