you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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