My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
