My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
