forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
