i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize