Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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