it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
