I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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