eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
