I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
