He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
