My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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