Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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