we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We smell like vodka and hangover
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