No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i out mim tonsoeep
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
